I hate to admit it but going into Christmas and the New Year my attitude has been less than stellar. There were things I had not accomplished in 2017 that I had wanted to and I spent the month of December in a mad rush to complete “18 things before 2018” and the last one was to run 20.18 miles on New Years Eve to mentally prepare and take charge of the coming year. While I was able to check everything off of my list, I failed miserably!
Unfortunately while out on an evening group run in mid December I fell. It was incredibly dark in an area I am unfamiliar with when a crack in the sidewalk rose up to greet me. Needless to say I went down like a ton of bricks. I am not one to go to the Dr much, I don’t fill prescriptions and I absolutely hate hospitals but early the next day I drove myself to an Ortho Clinic and then on to Wilmington to see a shoulder Dr and sure enough – it was broken. With both vacations and races planned and paid for I spent the last two solid weeks of 2017 beating myself up. While everyone else was coming up with fantastic New Year’s Resolutions and uplifting Words for the coming year the only thing that came to mind was clumsy and stupid.
Although I spent the month of December crossing things off of a list, most were done haphazardly or without much thought and I left 2017 feeling like a failure. The final one, running 20.18 miles to “take charge” of the coming year, I reduced to 20.18 kilometers instead, in part due to the extreme cold temperatures for our area and the pain in my shoulder. But it was my attitude that was getting in the way far more than anything else. When asked what my New Year’s Resolution was all I could utter was I’m going to do better, be better… A better wife, mother, mimi, race director, runner, business partner – I just wanted to do and be better! I couldn’t quiet the voice that was screaming in my head “you suck”… Even after suffering through a Full Marathon with a broken shoulder this past weekend I continued with the self loathing. For god sakes I finished it – why don’t I ever cut myself any slack?
This morning after I dropped my husband off and headed for home I took the road less traveled and it was exactly what i needed! For as long as I can remember, whenever possible I have chased the sunrise. I love that first second of civil twilight when you know 100% it is a fresh start. That moment when the day is a clean slate completely unspoiled by anyone or anything, A promise of hope that today can be what you choose to make of it. As I was making my way home, I decided to take the the long route instead of quickly getting out to the bypass, I weaved in and out of streets and parking lots staying as close to the coastline as possible, almost as if I were hanging on to it for dear life. Letting time stand still and allowing my surroundings take my breath away. I stopped, I finally stopped and I realized what was going on.
I really hadn’t failed 2017. After all I ran over my mile goal for the year, completed every distance I wanted to, increased my pace, placed in my age division, made wonderful memories with my family, helped to cultivate a love for art in my granddaughter, learned and grew as a race director through both failures and successes, moved into a home that my husband and I built together and completed a full marathon 3 weeks into a broken shoulder! As I stood this morning along the shore drinking in the beautiful sunrise I realized I had let a little pain, discomfort and lack of rest temporarily derail what had been a fantastic year.
What I’d like to share with you is that whatever you are going through or trying to accomplish. Whether it be a personal struggle or distance your training for. Know this – PAIN IS TEMPORARY and you will come out on the other side better for it if you choose to. This morning, January 9th, 2018 I was reminded that TODAY IS A GIFT and I will MAKE IT COUNT! Happy New Year!
Run Always – JoJo